Five Ways to Avoid Becoming a Victim of Motherhood

I’m writing this as my kids are in the other room, shrieking with laughter while they play together in a fort we built this morning. And I’m thinking to myself “it really doesn’t get better than this.”

Sure they’ll keep me from getting this post written in one sitting. Sure I’ll probably be breaking up a sibling fight sometime soon. Sure, I’m going to be cleaning up some epic messes today. And sure, at some point I’ll likely have someone else's poop, pee, and/or boogers on me.

But you know what, motherhood is still the best thing that ever happened to me, because of all those things, and because of the cackling laughter that lights up my soul from the other room. 

It’s all too easy to fall into the pattern of painting yourself the victim in motherhood—we hear it everywhere…

“My body is ruined after having kids.” 

“These kids keep me from getting anything done.” 

“All they do is whine.” 

“I never get any time to myself anymore.”

“I don’t even know who I am after having kids.”

But you know what— despite what a lot of people and the internet will tell you, you don’t have to be a martyr to motherhood. 

Your life isn’t over now, the purest and most purposeful parts of it are probably just beginning. 

So don’t fall into the modern trap of whining and complaining about being a mother from sun up to sun down. “I love my kids to pieces but… they drive me crazy” doesn’t have to be your anthem. 

Here are five ways to thrive in your motherhood. You won’t get them perfect all the time.. Lord knows I don’t, but if you keep your mind and your heart set on them… your kids will experience you in ways they maybe never have… and you’ll experience a fuller life abundant with the joy and love only motherhood can bring. 

1. Choose Not To Be– Shift Your Mindset

The simplest, but could be the hardest on the list. To avoid a victim mentality in motherhood… choose not to have one. 

The reality of your life is that you are indeed a mother of one or more tiny human beings now. 

So you get to choose if you’re going to stay miserable, always thinking that your kids are taking your time, resources, energy, and potential… or you can radically change your experience of motherhood, and your life by recognizing your role as a mother as one of the greatest blessings that life can offer. 

You get to be the one that creates a magical childhood for them— filled with wonder, laughter, joy, connection and nurturing. You get to devote yourself to developing them into happy, healthy, and good people others want to know.

So decide. Your 3-year-old is not laying down in the middle of the aisle at church because she hates you. She’s doing it because she’s 3. You're not the first mom to experience this and you won’t be the last. This is just the way it goes. How you view difficult moments, and how you choose to respond are everything. 

2. Take Good Care of Yourself Mama

I’m not talking about the “treat yourself” or “you deserve” mantra the culture will shout at you here. You’ve been blessed with the opportunity to sacrifice yourself for your children. It may not be the season of life full of frivolous impulse purchases, big vacations, or even that Starbucks coffee you really want this morning. 

None of those things are bad, but they may be band-aid solutions for what you’re actually seeking. 

If you make a little space in your day to take care of your body, and be fully attuned to yourself, your purpose, and a practice of gratitude– I think you’ll find you “need” and want a lot less. 

Quiet Time

Sacrifice is inherent in motherhood, but you still need a baseline amount of space to replenish your mind and soul to be the best mom you can be. Quiet time is definitely a lot harder to fit in when you have young children, but it’s even more important to make the time for it. 

It might mean getting up at 5 AM or even 15 minutes earlier than you normally do— to have a short amount of time to experience the quiet and re-center your mind and soul to connect with what’s most important. In my experience, trading an hour of sleep for this quiet time has not been worth the price of how I feel spiritually, emotionally, or physically the rest of the day. 

I am a better person and a better mom when I take 15 minutes to an hour in the morning to pray, journal, read, move, and enjoy my coffee before the rest of the house wakes up.

Relational Health

It’s also so important to take care of yourself relationally. Making sure you’re connecting with friends and family regularly. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy– my dad pops in from time to time for 5-15 min when he’s on his way by our house and it is LIFE GIVING for me and my kids in the middle of the pre-dinner hangries. 

Make time for quality-time with your spouse. My husband and I are famously bad about this, but we’re working on it. Also, don’t overlook the little things. Make eye contact with him, touch him, and make him feel like you see him and not just the kids. I’m so guilty of getting caught up in littles’ needs and things that need to get done around the house that I forget to intentionally connect with my husband. 

When you start feeling lonely, it’s easy to slide into a victim mentality. Thriving in motherhood comes a lot easier when you feel loved and seen by your spouse and your village. 

Physical Health

Your body is a beautifully designed organism that needs movement and nourishment to function at its highest level. 

Honestly motherhood has challenged me more physically than any other manual labor, athletic events or work has before I became a mom. It is a twenty-four-seven, three-sixty-five event. 

You never thought you needed to train to lift a 30lb toddler while half asleep, dodging lego pieces at 2AM, but here you are— and that feat is deserving of a gold medal. 

You have got to be strong physically to play, transport, hold, hug, lug and do all of the tasks motherhood requires. If you’re not in good shape, it is quite simply going to be very difficult. And when things are difficult, it’s easy to feel defeated and crabby. 

Being strong and exercising regularly will leave you feeling empowered and capable. Isn’t that the kind of mom you want your kids to grow up knowing?

Maintaining physical fitness is not a luxury for moms who have the time, it is essential to every mom. You cannot manage stress, regulate your own emotions, or even physically accomplish the things you need to do in a day if you’re not in good physical health. 

Move. Every. Day. Lift weights and exercise your cardiorespiratory system with walking, running, or some other aerobic activity. Work on your mobility with frequent stretching or begin a yoga practice. Start with something! Anything! Even if it’s a 5 minute walk pacing your driveway. Once you get in a rhythm of exercising daily you can get more focused and intentional about training. 

Drink. Water. (Lots of it.) It’s so much harder to manage stress when you're dehydrated. 

Eat good whole foods that nourish your body. All the supplements in the world can’t replace a diet rich in whole foods and simple ingredients. 

Prioritize

None of this has to be complicated. You’ll stick with it better if you make it as simple as possible.

If you’re currently not taking very good care of yourself, a good place to start would be to wake up a little bit earlier. Pray, journal, or read for 10 minutes, then do some kind of movement for 15-20 minutes either in silence or while listening to some inspiring audio or good music.

If your rational health isn’t at its best, start by making eye contact with your husband and telling him you love him every day. And call a friend this week. 

When you start practicing these little daily actions— I bet you find that you like your general attitude toward life and how you handle things much better. 

3. Educate Yourself on Childhood Development

Most jobs require some sort of training to do. Mothering does not. We innately have many helpful instincts and intuitions— but these alone cannot make you the best mom you can be. 

Unless you’re making an intentional effort to understand your child’s personal temperament, their developmental stage, and what to reasonably expect of them—  it’s easy to feel like your kid’s misbehavior is a personal attack and epic failure on your part. 

Your child’s brain is growing and developing at a rapid pace. Understanding what they are going through physiologically will help you support them and guide them in age-appropriate ways. It will help you manage your expectations and set them up for success more easily— meaning fewer melt downs and deeper connection with you. 

There is SO MUCH information out there on parenting and childhood development. It is overwhelming I know. 

Use your own common sense and good judgement to find some resources and books you trust and re-visit content and books you’ve read before. Use your own critical thinking skills to understand how the information applies to your child specifically and customize it to match your parenting style and the temperament of your child. 

Don’t expect any one resource to be the golden ticket to understand your child. Approach learning about childhood development with a sense of curiosity and wonder. Children are fascinating little creatures— learning more about how they tick will only grow your fascination, and appreciation for them. 

4. Approach Motherhood With an Attitude of Gratitude

I asked ChatGPT what percentage of the world were mothers and it estimated that 26-27% of us humans on the planet in 2026 are mothers. Obviously that’s not a perfect estimate, but it’s likely got us somewhere in the ballpark…

…and that means that roughly three-quarters of the world’s population cannot or will not get the chance to be a mom– but YOU got to be. 

What a privilege. 

What a profound honor. 

I cannot think of a greater purpose in life than raising good humans. 

Motherhood is a uniquely feminine experience that is not guaranteed to any woman, and it shouldn’t be taken for granted. That’s not to say the call to motherhood is always easy, and we shouldn’t expect it to be– but we should always be grateful for this role in our lives. 

5. Trust That God is With You While You Mother

This is last on the list but the most important. 

God has seen to it that your soul exists on this earth at this specific moment in time. That you are married to a specific person. And that you are now stewarding the specific souls in your children until they grow to be adults. 

None of it is random, it is all part of an intricate design I’ll never understand this side of heaven…

…but I will trust it. 

Cultivating a relationship with God, allowing him to fill you with his grace and wisdom to fulfill your role as a mother is the greatest gift you can give your kids. 

When you put in the daily work of compassionately showing up for your children, meeting their needs, and engaging in life with a spirit of joy and faith— God will work in ways you can’t even comprehend. 

Mothering without an eternal end goal is so defeating. 

Keep your eyes up, your heart open, and your mind focused on what really matters. 

You’re Not a Victim— You’re Blessed

Motherhood can be difficult and a blessing at the same time. Both are true. 

But giving in to complaining and a victim mentality certainly don’t make things any easier. 

Whenever I catch myself ready to jump on the next complaint-train to “Whinetown”, I check in to see how I’m doing with the things on this list. Odds are, one or more of them need my attention. 

If you’re needing to offload some work to give more of your time to the things that make you a better mom, get a hold of me to see what I can take off your plate. 

Take care and God bless, 

Bailee